Monday, January 17, 2005

And they supposed to be made in Heaven??

I wanted to really yell and vent my feelings, fearing that it will get me booted out of my office or apartment; I decided that my blog would be the best place to start…

Well the crux of the matter is , my parents are looking for a suitable groom and in the process driving me to point of sheer insanity. Being kinda wary of love and its differential results, I had decided to let my parents do the searching for the person whom I’m going to share my life with. Of all the decisions that I regret that has to be within the top 5. I discovered 2 months into their groom hunting foray, horoscopes and the parents meeting are deciding factors, with groom saying in ok coming in a close second and girls decision though significant was handled with ‘after marriage all guys are the same,- it’s the family that counts’ adage.
After a year my parents have discovered email and Tamil matrimony to my horror. As they absolutely computer illiterate, the job of accessing my dad’s email and the site sorely rests on my young and reluctant shoulders. My fear of horror movies considerably decreased in comparison to checking the green and orange matrimonial websites with my boss or colleagues popping up near my cubicle. Now the nightmare has reached the crescent with the month of January. This is an auspicious time with meetings set up between the parties at speed of light. My otherwise non existent social life is now filled with Meeting the parents/groom/ grooms uncle, aunt, favorite cousin also thrown in for a good measure.
This weekend what I thought would be a much needed vacation, turned into a parent meeting spree. I thought my interview panels of companies on campus visits were tough, but parents of grooms are much tougher. No offence to any parents here, I’m sure they were just looking out for their sons, however questions like what would you like my son to be like and exact power of specs , so on are more appropriate from the guy himself. All these guys are teetotalers, vegetarian and have no bad habit under the sun, which I think is a great utopian way of thinking but I highly doubt it. My parents are also not without their share of blame. My dad describes me as a domesticated girl, with a modern outlook, who doesn’t got to movies or parties. I am on the other hand, am an extrovert who loves hanging out with my friends and have to catch a movie every other week. I sit through these meetings, with a smile pasted on my face, and thinking about all the things I have to finish in office, believe me its much more pleasant. It’s hard enough that you are constantly being watched for any physical defect but to ensure that you behave like what was projected by your own parents is even more difficult.

The thing which hit my pressure button today, was the waiting for the call backs from the various meetings. They were positive however to me not even 5% of the river has been crossed.My dad was ecstatic on ac all back , however on the others he kept dissecting every lil moment trying to decide what we had done wrong. To be constantly talking about something you rather forget about is bound to drive any person’s blood pressure up and mine just shot through the stratosphere.
To Me, most people require some time to get to know a person before deciding on something as crucial as marriage. I have friends who say that ,however long time you meet before marriage, its only after you know the actual person. I agree, however I seem to notice, that marriage has become a necessity for most people before they get a green card. I met a guy, who was candid enough to admit, that he was getting his green card in 3 months and had to get married before then. He didn’t mind that girl was an unknown entity on the day of the marriage, it was not necessary in his opinion.
I side with the guys too. I have a friend who on his every trip to Chennai, is bombarded with pictures of girls. He gets to meet them for 15 minutes and then has to decide if he likes the girl. If he says yes , he is caught , as it eventually leads to talks of engagement in the next month !!.He feels that the girls are not vocal enough in their opposition for more time. And if he asks to meet the girl later, he still gets glares and whispered conferences. He is hiding out in Mumbai, praying he will fall in love or lighting will strike him, which ever happens first will be for the best.

So I think its getting harder and harder to go through the traditional methods to meet you soul mate. Some are lucky, one advertisement or a belligerent aunt and you have a wedding. And others, like me who have to go through trials of fire /questions/catwalks to find the one - it’s a scary movie.

and the jokes....

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas were both 102 years old. They had been married 74 years. The local
television station sent a news crew out to interview them. ''What we need to do,'' the reporter explained, ''is to interview you separately. It just seems
to make for a better write-up, when we do it that way. So, if you don't mind waiting, Mrs.
Thomas, we'll go out on the porch with your husband and visit with him for a few moments
After they were settled on the porch, the reporter began his interview. ''Mr. Thomas, I know you
get tired of people asking you this, but what do you think is the cause of your longevity?''
''Well...'' Mr. Thomas drawled thoughtfully. ''I get up early every morning. I eat pretty good,
you know, garden food and such....and...oh, yeah! God talks to me!''
The reporter stared up at him to see if he was kidding. ''You mean God actually talks to you?''
''Yep,'' the old-timer replied sincerely. ''We're pretty close. In fact, when I have to get up
and go to the bathroom during the night, God even turns the light on for me.''
The reporter quickly excused himself and went in search of Mrs. Thomas. ''I don't mean anything
unkind by this, Ma'am, but is Mr. Thomas okay...mentally, I mean?''
''Why?'' she asks curiously.
''Well, he says that when he goes to the bathroom at night, God turns on the light for him,''
the reporter explained.
''Oh, damn!'' Mrs. Thomas said, irritably. ''Has that old guy been pissin' in the refrigerator

Chocolate Cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed when he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite
chocolate chip cookies. He gathered his remaining strength and made his way out of the bedroom.
Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread
out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip
cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife, seeing to it that he left
this world a happy man?
He threw himself toward the table, his parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was
already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when
it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they’re for the funeral."

Jesus and Moses Play Golf
Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they''re on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''


Blogger saranyan said...

Anu, I can understand your situation. its the same with all of us these days. you are not alone.
take it light and talk to your close friends about it. they might have also been in the same situation.
Ours is still a staunch conservative society, and parents feel more obliged to the society than to their kids, its a pity. After all marriage in India is between families.
I'm not sure whether it is possible to 'know well' about a person before the commitment part, in the arranged marriage route. Opinions become biased when you are in this kinda setup and know that you are talking with the person for a possible long-term relationship.
but trust me, guys feel the same way as you do.

10:29 AM  
Blogger JaganLee said...

We all are in the same situation. While the girl seems to be more affected in this marraige campaign, boys are not far behind. Except for the 'personal appearance' part, everything holds good for boys too..infact boys are the one's who are most scrutenized in the parents interview, facing bizarre questions.
So dont worry much, there's lots of junta like u, from both sides.. take it easy and stay focussed[on ur basic req, u look forward in the groom]. Bcos, at the end of day, all that matters is whether u got a good partner and not the agony u went thru.
Good luck

2:56 PM  
Blogger surya said...


I am not an expert in these but can offer my view..but take it with a pinch of salt..
Just approach this without much expectations.You come to know the actual person only after marriage. I have seen many people who married someone they thought they know very well and realised that people change after marriage.It is the reality. Before marriage the partners try to impress each other and try to hide some of their so called negative qualities( again there is no clear definition of these as eveything is relative). After marriage, especaially guys take everything for granted.You dont see that light in the eyes when he looks at you , you dont see those opening the door for you , you dont see this kind of things much often....
Again, marriage is something that involves two families rather than two people. Look at US of A, people get married without much regard to family system and we see how successful is their marriage system. I m not doing US bashing here but just trying to say that arranged marriage system is tested by time and proved time and again.Ofcourse I agree that it is not the perfect way to get married..but it is the best way available to us and we need to get the best that is available to us....i think this is too much of gyaaan...

take your time and finally go for something which you think is better...

all the best...

7:43 PM  
Blogger saranyan said...

Surya, I beg to differ from your opinion. In India, arranged marriages have lasted this long due to a singular reason --- women adjust a lot. and thats all. It has been and still is a male chauvinistic society, largely. freedom for women is more in the US.

why can't we take the positives from both sides?

10:37 PM  
Blogger surya said...


beg to differ...

I think we are conditioned to accept that US of A is a liberal society...and India is a male Chauvinistic society..atleast we are taught that way by our Nehruvian -Stalinists in our text books. Dont want to start a debate on this...but...

I see lot of families where women call the shots..they are the bosses...this happens in India.....

I dont agree that India is still a male chauvinistic as it is projected by is well in sync with the world or for that matter a bit better than the world...we atleast respect Women in India...

Ofcourse we are far behind US when it comes to granting alimony to divorced women..

if you say that easy divorce and freedom to decide on abortion are the parameters to decide...yes..US of A is miles ahead..but I dont think they are the parameters to decide the amount of freedom..

11:09 PM  
Blogger kpowerinfinity said...

lolz ! your jokes are good !

anyway, as for the groom hunting ... it made very good reading ... guess, u will have to find someone from yourself ... gud luck with it !

and for ur alumni meet too ... hope the nostalgia really gets to u :)

5:22 AM  
Blogger JaganLee said...

I too accept Saranyan's view...Indian marraiges work out solely for the reason that woman(and to very little extent, man) adjust and compromise, to a very great extent. How would u feel, if ur parents say that Mr X/Y/Z will be ur best friend for the next couple of year...wouldnt it be absurd? the same holds good for arranged marraige.
But as u said, we are left with no i stop my discussion reg arranged marraige.
Ur point reg the 'dominating woman' is flawed. Dominating doesnt mean ruling, when it comes to family, its the independancy that matters. Even the 'dominating woman' have to depend on her husband for lots of stuff. And if u really look into the % of this woman domination..its miniscule.

Anu, sorry for the digression..couldnt resist :-)

11:02 AM  
Blogger hari said...

Hi Anu,
I can understand your predicament very well. But believe me, as Saranyan rightly said, the situation is not much different for an Indian male too looking for an arranged marriage. On a typical situation after seeing a girl, if the guy seeks time he would be termed as a male chauvinist and if the girl seeks time, her character would be questioned. But again with all these allegations the Indian society is surviving on account of this arranged marriage system and ours society is among the ideal systems in the world.

Ultimately be it love marriage or arranged marriage, getting a compatible (there is nothing call “Ideal”) husband or a wife depends totally on your destiny. If you say that you cannot decide whether a person is the right man for you just by meeting him for a few minutes, as in case of arranged marriage, let me assure you that you cannot do so even if you fall in love with a person for years and then marry. This is because marriage brings in such an inexplicable change in the attitude of both husband and the wife which can never be comprehended before. It is not that people before marriage are hypocratic, but certain changes are totally involuntary.

My only advise is just do not do anything that your mind does not accept. People might say a lot of things both positive and negetive but ultimately it is your life and you know what is best for you and just do not do something for pleasing others since nobody is going to come to your rescue if things does not go right. Marriage emanates, survives and flourishes on the strong base of adjustments and sacrifices both by husband and the wife depending on the situation. So make sure you as well as your groom is mentally prepared for such adjustments and sacrifices just for each other and for nobody else, all other aspects like outward personality, income, family status, in-laws tantrums become immaterial and would automatically fall in place.
I am not the most competent person to advise but this is my personal view and sorry for the rather long comment.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Anu,

I was more than a little shocked to read your post. I will need some more time to comment on it, but my take is very simple. Dont compromise on your beliefs and dont bow down to the pressure. If you feel the need to interact with a prospective groom, go ahead and do it. Keep talking to your parents and try to convince them. Though it may sound trite, finally these things just work out on their own.

Coming to Tofu, I am no expert on cooking, but I have found that tofu tastes better when cooked for a longer time along with the gravy or spices. That is once it absorbs the flavours of the curry. Do try this recipe, it tastes very similar to egg bhurjee. You can load up on the spices if you are not too fond of the bland taste.


2:54 AM  
Blogger Castelgard said...

hey anu...
it is fact that all indians need to live with....It holds good for both guys and girls ...just that in guys it gets delayed by a cupla of prioritise ur wants and then decide..

5:03 AM  
Blogger Chakra Sampath said...


As many have said here, we guys feel the same.

A friend of mine was in that stage of life. His parents were abt to reply to an matrimonial advert in Hindu, which insisted on clean habits on the part of the groom. His parents asked "ennada unakku ellam clean habits daane". Our guy turned serious and made a big confession that he had all the habits under the sun. His dad said to his mom, "ivanukku eppo paathalum velayattu daaan.. namma kittaye kadhai vidraan paaru" and went ahead. That girl became his wife few months later. Nevertheless, when he met the girl, he narrated the above incident. :)

8:17 AM  
Blogger The Last Blogger said...

This is an interesting topic and no offense meant, since I know for you its a matter of your future life partner. Seeing that I am one of the few married men commenting here, I can safely say that unfortunately most of what you say is completely true. I got married a few months back following weddings of a few cousins (girls, of course) and now the hunt for a brother. The girl is pretty much silenced after a while. Early on in the match making process the girl gets to choose a lot of things. But as time goes by, the parents get worried and start applying a whole lot of pressure on the girl to compromise on her ideal groom. With the boy too this happens but to a lesser extent that he has this big advantage of well, being the guy.

The society has imposed a whole lot of restrictions on the girl without doing the same for the male counterpart. Everyone has his or her ideal person in mind but then that happening is a rare event. What does need to happen is that the definition of ideal needs to be a bunch of entities with a range possible and not a constant.

We live in a definitely male chauvinistic society built on a major bunch of adjustments by the wife and very minimal adjustments for the husband. So unless one chooses their own partner (like I did) or get to spend some time talking to them before signing on the dotted line, there will have to be substantial sacrifices, esp for the girl. This will happen atleast in India, if not anywhere else. Sad but true.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Anu said...

All of you thks for the comments... i think the guys go thru the same , just degree is different..n thks for all the sympathy and good luck boosts..i really need them :))

6:12 AM  
Blogger Joey Tribbiani said...

No activity for quite sometime.. seems you are really busy grooming!

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


The boy is goodlooking,works at X makes Y, has a green/yellow/pink card, listens to Carnatic music (even sings in his sleep),
Wanted: fair, "virtuous", goodlooking blah blah blah bride

Pipedreams are made on matrimonial tenders :D


12:04 PM  
Blogger hari said...

Hi Anu,

Where are you. Got the man of your dreams or has any man robbed your dreams.

3:46 AM  
Blogger Anu said...

Guys... whoa..

I am not getting married.. but my official/job appraisal just I was quite.I will celebrate/crib afterfinal results are out..


8:49 PM  
Blogger reNUka said...

Hi Anu!! You've got a good blog. If you are wondering you are the only one going through such trying situations, dont worry! there are lots in the city. Found some time to read ur posts and about the 'What’s Love Got to Do with It?' post: very true - i still wonder how guys alone have this feeling of 'love at first sight' - I suppose the movies have a major role to play!! Please do visit my blog and feel free to mail me!!

10:25 PM  
Blogger JaganLee said...

"i still wonder how guys alone have this feeling of love at first sight'" ---- does this mean girls doesnt believe in love at first sight?? This is news of the day :-)

4:31 PM  
Blogger Fun_Da_Mental said...

Awesome was the first word I murmered when I read first few posts on your blog! Very truthful, straight from the heart and presented in a captivating way! I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. Oh and yes, loved the idea of quoting jokee and one liners at the end. Keep doing the good work anu. Will keep coming back. :)

4:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEy! Got your from K^Infinity's page. As a principle I do not read long posts... but yours was un-putdownable!! It was funny ofcourse, but showed me how might look in a few years. I will live in the dread of sucha time... till then,

12:25 PM  
Blogger reNUka said...

Thanks!! :-)

3:24 AM  
Blogger Vani Viswanathan said...

i jus read ur blog and i've written one like this on the same topic..but its been written seeing the hunt for my sis, who, is also coincidentally, anu!

9:09 PM  
Blogger Anupama Viswanathan said...

Oh dear! I can exactly visualise what you have posted..coz am more or less goin through a similar phase or to be more precise - i should say a ditto on ur entire post..the way it all happens,and I also echo the same feelings that I should get to know the guy before I can marry him..
Well, I really don't know when times will change!!:)

9:05 AM  
Blogger ammani said...

Ah, the debate that won't go away! It's funny how so many of us choose to endure this fate. Some 8 years ago, when it was my turn, I did the unthinkable. I walked out of my parents' home because the pressure got to me. I escaped to Mumbai, lived like a bohemian for a while before ultimately marrying a guy of my parents' choosing. Yes, it was an arranged do. But we met in neutral territory without either of our parents watching over us hawkeyed. We also took our time deciding. And that made a big difference. Good luck!

8:01 AM  

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