Sunday, April 10, 2005

In Control and Terrified

Well I haven’t blogged in ages and I duly apologize. Caught between the quarter closing in on me, organizational restructure, new boss and to top it all my dad in his ever ready attempt to safely get me into the marriage bandwagon, my life has been in a tizzy. I have been however religiously reading up on all my blog favorites , though not posting any comments on the fear that this will coincide with my old and new boss arriving on scene simultaneously with my dad ringing up to ensure that I have checked the latest on Tamil matrimony.

A lot of talk has been circulating regarding the increase in the breakdown of marriages, considering that I haven’t even got into that arena, what I am worried about now is the lack of interest for people to settle down. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming the stronger sex, however I see a commitment issue even in the fairer one, which is growing by the day. The definition of women has changed, and along with it so has the future of civilization as a whole. From being the person who managed the house, women have become the managers of MNC’s and Indian power houses alike. From a generation who could manage home and hearth to this generation we have grown into competitive business women, who try 10 times harder to ensure that we are ahead of the pack at Office. I really admire women who do both and believe me its no easy task.

However the home and hearth part has become a weakness in many cases. Many of lady colleagues of mine , crib that if they weren’t at home when the kids where sick , they could be the Project heads by now. That is why I think most of us unmarried ones are terrified of: marriage and its responsibilities and its effect on our careers/achievements. I have a friend , who lives in with her fiancée and has been doing this for 2 yrs. On asking of her wedding date, her only answer is a shrug and a wringing of hands. Though she would like bucket loads of kids, she knows that if she has one, her job role on which she has spent 5 years,will not await her on her return. When I had commented to a colleague, how great it was that my company gave us extended leave after maternity, she gave me a glance and coolly replied” just be careful you don’t have to come back as the chairman’s secretary !!” .Basically, the company moves on and you are left behind.

Even married, a couple of my colleagues work in different location than there spouses.Not for the money, but for the achievement outside their personal life.This need for achievement has overwhelmed the need for companionship. .Give and take has always described a traditional marriage as security from the men and a continuity of harmony in the home from the women, however now give and take in a marriage is now defined as “If I give up this , what Can I take of yours?” .This I agree, does not describe most of the marriages. I have friends who are married and living the honeymooners dream. It all for them , comes down to compromise without the judgmental give and take described above
A friend of mine, hit the nail , when she said “Marriage is about loosing control, you let it lead you to the best place that you can be”. I think , that’s what most girls are afraid of, myself included. We have total control over my time, money and most importantly emotions. Control which helps us tide over problems independently and with a clear cut path and route in mind to reach my personal goals. It would be helpful for companionship and a shoulder to literally lean on but that is not the main criteria any more

The road to matrimony is getting harder, with changing values and roles. Defining the role of each other is proving to be a challenge, while every women would like to emulate her mother, trying to run a perfect house, what is more glaring is the price we think we need to pay to do so. I do think that marriages need to be redefined and also the whole concept of a successful women. As women the need to accomplish something before settling down is more a challenge. Waiting for the right person and not the right time is more important. I think with sea change there are certain elements that are crystallized. Women still want to be the homemaker and ideal mother, however the question remain, will they themselves and sometimes the work environment they are involved in, allow them to do so???

Ok that was a bit serious.. to lighten the mood, someone sent this to me and it blew me away

Men and Women

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; it's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work; I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see; I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days; I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true; I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!


I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt; my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around “re-adjusting” my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.

I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you can't see three inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb; I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side; I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball; I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see; forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true; I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


Have fun ppl :)

Anu

10 Comments:

Anonymous Bizzare said...

Hey Anu, I'M GLAD I'M A MAN, but not for the reason - that I am not a woman.

The two sides were very funny. Enjoyed it.

Keep posing, if possible meeting :-)

9:14 PM  
Blogger saranyan said...

hmmmm thought provoking. but have you ever wondered how women in US are successful while having kids too? not many, but atleast there are a lot of people in my company itself. agreed it is tough, well thats nature that women can only give birth. look at the brighter side, they have more control on the children, in this age.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Chakra Sampath said...

hi anu.. few women hav been able to do justice to both personal & professional lives... agreed that its a tough call.. but then, when few hav been able to do that, it shud be possible for others.. ofcourse, lot depends on the immediate family & so many other factors..

thats a gud post reflecting your mental churns... good luck to you for your future.

4:42 AM  
Blogger Krish said...

hi..
// “If I give up this , what Can I take of yours?”// hahaha..

I believe successfull marriage lies in mutual trust and *both* being the first to make compromise...mmm easier said...

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anu,

Good post. It's tough but it's possible to have a good career and family life. But you need an understanding/broad-minded life partner for that, and it's very important to have mutual agreement on your goals. I have seen for myself that men these days are much more helpful and encouraging when it comes to their wife's career. And I have seen quite a few Indian women who are able to achieve both.

The only thing I can say is, expect yourself to be very busy after marriage if you are planning to continue to work :) You will rarely have a minute to spare, but ultimately you will have the satisfaction of have 2 distinct aspects to your life - family and career.

Good luck.

8:02 PM  
Blogger JaganLee said...

Thought provoking good post. I too used to get similiar thoughts like this. When i spoke about this issue to my married friend's, they reply was that, as u get old the priorities in life will change. After 5-10 yrs, most of the people will not care about career, and will concentrate more on families.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Jahnvi said...

Hey Anu,

Good to see a post after ages. How r u doing?

Btw, I have moved, so see you around at the new blog.

4:20 AM  
Blogger Anu said...

Guys,

I agree its women's responsibility and lots of ladies are doing a great job of managing both..however its just that to dive into it from carefree days is the hard part....

Jahnvi... u still havent replied to my mail..

Anu

3:27 AM  
Blogger G3 said...

hello there ...

just blog-hopping.

Really nice post. It reminded me of my own home. Its the same story at my home too ... dad calling in for marriage ... mom looking into astrology and trying to predict when would be the right time ... and like always, the would-be bride is not that keen.

Well, it is weird that a man is considered successful when he has a successful career. And a woman is considered successful only when she has maintains a successful career-home balance.

I guess we have less of a choice. We have to live with it.

5:10 AM  
Blogger The Last Blogger said...

Ill skip commenting on the topic of the post. But funny thingie on Being a man and being a woman. Definitely very funny and well, true too !

12:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home