Tuesday, November 16, 2004

The Train through Eternity

Well I haven’t blogged in sometime, the reason was that Diwali was approaching, so were five days vacation and R&R in dear ol Chennai. I kept looking around and found so many topics to blog about, right from the Kodambakkam high road’s potholes which have become a Chennai treasure, considering they are preserved so well ,to the numerous sari shop billboards which have sprung up around the city, that they outnumber the poor pathetic trees which have been left by the developers.
However what took the cake or the entire train was my return journey back to Bangalore. My dad, innocently booked my return in 4 pm Lalbagh train ,2nd class- little did he know that he would give me a real insight into Indian resoluteness of ticket less travel
Given that the seats are meant for 3 people, but considering that theseindividuals must be
Somalian or been starved for the last month. I someone squeezed in with the two other guys in the seat beside me. Looking up I saw about 10 people standing near the entrance, thinking that they were send off relatives, I buried my face into my Dan Brown’ “Angels & Demons”. Looking up after an hour I just realized that the send off people were actually passengers and they were prepared to stand till journey was over. A couple of chapters and stations later, I realized that there were more people standing than sitting in the coach. !!!!

Pandemonium will be an understatement to describe the scene. I had a lady with a barely 3 month baby sitting on the floor in the compartment, her mom is law was on the side right in the middle of the walkway . We had about 9 ladies in rich silks standing a 3 feet area, having atleast 5 kids below the age of 4 between them, plus I had a grandmother who kept telling me to get up.I nearly did but the elderly gentleman opposite to me pulled me down, muttering that if I did so, all the guys in the compartment had to do so.
In between all this, we had a vegetable vendor, who decided to plonk her basket on my feet , loudly exclaiming that she could do so as this was the government property and she had every right, I am sure my mom would disagree with her.As the coffee, tea & soup guys kept wielding there way through the mass , it was clear that these guys were given intense training in jugglery and balancing before their job in the railways.Then came the dosa/ omlet walas, but considering that I could eat only if someone fed me,( my hands were jammed between the guy on my right and the lunch box on my left), I let them pass. We also had the stray doll/key seller who wormed his way in, however he couldn’t show off his wares as the kids kept jumping on him and scattering all to the floor. Finally the railway conductor showed up in his splendid blue suit, slightly frayed . And man!! did the guy know how to bend his body. He actually bent his top half sideways to avoid the baby throwing its rattle at him, and slithered through gap between the old lady and vegetable basket. He nearly fell into my lap , gave me a greater fright than the ghost throwing up in Sixth Sense, regained his balance and continued, actually asking people for their open tickets.

As we crossed Jalarpet station the wind cooled inside of the compartment, tiredness slowly overtook the group and as the multitude of bodies in the train kept increasing , it struck me that this happens only in India. Though people were standing on each others feet, they bonded on talk of how absolutely unpunctual and dirty the railways had become, the political climate and how cold the Bangalore climate would be. As we finally reached cantonment station the sea of people descended onto the platform in a rush, the gateway being too small to accommodate the rush, there was a jam on the platform. That’s when I truly figured out that I reached Bangalore :).

I realized in the end, that somehow hours pass quicker when you are among people, even strangers. Its funny how 150 unique people can be crammed into a compartment and pass the time in peace , but people of the same family cannot spend more than 30 minutes a week to spend time with each other. It was an learning experience, I didn’t for the 5 hours go back to my book nor did I look out of window. The entire time was spent just looking around and listening. As my mom will say , a lot more can be learnt that way….

And the train joke is….

Accountants and Engineers on a Train

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Keep Smiling

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Between the Devil and the Deep Sea

I have to say I am not a very politically oriented person, generally I rather read a book than watch Prannoy Roy speak to self confessed elections pundits about who will be the next head of State. However the US elections have got me hooked, I keep reading, watching and even listening to every bit of conversation surrounding it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a US loyalist , I just want to see the next Neanderthal we have to put up with for the next 4 years.

I’m not mocking the men, but war seems to be a playground which they control. The President of the USA has god bestowed right to waltz into any country and claim it full of terrorists. They are helping the people, as per their schizophrenic outlook, however the little ones left without parents walking around in a pool of blood, just seems to be beyond their vision. They keep US security as their first priority, this priority seems to override world peace and decency. The politicians have exploited the middle east for their gain , when little nations decided to act up they were put out by these big guns. Granted , Osama and Saddam were sadists who destroyed people, but weren’t American Strategy for divide and conquer ,the prime reason they were so powerful

The American economy is built on trading of products – built, grown or assembled elsewhere at minimum costs. It is ironic though the economy of every other country is dependant on this parasitic economy, We are dependant on this country ,half the size of India right from foreign relations to oil prices. I thought that Americans woke up when the extent of the hate against them was displayed by the 9/11 incidents. Somehow they have forgotten the reason for the same, and just targeted the tool. I am not saying Americans are blind, just that their vision is totally obstructed by views propagated by their Presidents and their aides.Their movies still document India as being the place of Snake charmers and Maharajahs. They have to come out of their artificially created save heavens and look at the world. Because of outsourcing , their economy is actually booming,but to convince them of this will be next to impossible. Because all they see are brown turbaned people taking away their precious industries.

Back to the Presidents, these guys control the world’s nuclear future with a touch of a button and one of them has no clue as to the geographical location of the rest of the world past Texas. They keep saying that they will protect America, but how? Will they keep sending young men to fight the children and women who are the only survivors of the war torn Iraq and Afghanistan. The world quietly watches as a country nominates a leader to protect itself,against the rest of humanity ....

Ok, had to make the jokes abt Bush,So ladies and Gentlemen I present President Bush and

The 10 Stupidest Things President George W. Bush Has Ever Said (Out of the 100's)
10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000
8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
7) "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
6) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
5) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
4) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
3) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
2) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
1) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

So ppl keep smiling