Bye Daddy

To the man who taught me how to read, who encouraged me when others seem wonder, to one who tied my shoe laces till I was 8,and scared every boy away till he gave away to a person he believed in.

To the man who I am supposed to look like,who made me laugh when I wanted to scream, who made me scream but forgive him immediately because I knew he was right,

The one who ensured he read out my horoscope as soon as it was published for the year, who forgot his anniversary but remembered my birthday.Who loved sweets being a diabetic and was fanatical about working clocks.

Who drove me to my exam, irrespective of the fact that it was a flood day in Chennai and didn’t even raise his voice, when the car got carried away and we were left without our chappals.Who diligently wiped my specs and checked if I had money even when I was earning more than he did

The one who educated his girls well beyond his means, and didnt even utter a grumpy sign everytime I asked him for 50 paise for a map or a couple of lakhs for a course

To the one who was the wind beneath my wings, lifted me high, but ensured I always had a safety net just in case I fell

To the one who said every thing will be allright, just believe in the higher power.

To the only one, who I call Daddy …

I love you. I always will. RIP

Anu

Miss you MJ

I am probably the 10 millionth blogger to say this Gosh ,I feel a sense of loss that Michael Jackson passed away. I grew up in Chennai, not exactly the most happening place in the 80’s , but my small taste of “America” was MJ and the Grammy’s. My cousin was back from the US and he had brought back a VHS tape of Thriller

As a 5 year old .I remember wondering what all the fuss was about, till he switched it on. Then after the initial scream when the zombies came out, I couldn’t believe the dance moves. So started the fascination, more for my sister than for me. After that it was late nights waiting to see the Grammy’s airing at 11 PM on DD. But Thriller to me was always special when my cousins used to darken the room, and invert their eyelids, play the song and dance (though I must say that’s the reason, I need to have a light on in my room even now ).I loved the zombie dance and still do that move sometimes when I get totally zonked out at work.

I used to try the moonwalk during Family get-togethers, much to the amusement of my relatives and horror of my parents. The MJ poster on my sisters wall came down, but somehow his music was always played throughout. Right from “Off the wall” to “Invincible” every album was bought and replayed at least 20 times on the first day. I remember breaking the cover of thriller ,with MJ in a white suit on his side, and being worried if my sister would kill me :)!!. Growing up, though his music assumed a significance that went beyond a song and dance routine. “Man in the Mirror” was a study in human introspection and “Heal the World” an anthem for World peace. “Billy Jean” and “Dirty Diana” were details of mistakes made while “Beat it” and “Bad” was a push back against aggressors in life. His music spoke to his personal life from “Leave me alone” against the paparazzi to “Childhood” about his loneliness and child abuse, he said "childhood", was the most honest song of his career.

I love all his songs, but “The way you make me feel” and “Smooth Criminal” can get anyone’s foot tapping. I remember we got the video for Smooth criminal during the holidays when I was 10. I watched it 50 times atleast. The story was crazy, but the dance could make even my dad break a move.There is a part in the video, when he slants to 60 degree angle, and they said it wasn’t through special effects. Tried that out a couple of times and nearly broke my nose. “Black or White “ came out when MTv first came to India, and the morphing technology at the end of the song blew my mind. I didn’t care too much for his History or Invincible albums. But “They Don’t really care about us” Im sure influenced quite a few music directors in Bollywood.

Its sad the last 15 years of his life was intersected with taints of abuse and plastic surgery wackiness, but this is all I say, I loved his music early on. It gave me the basis of western music, through which I developed most of my other tastes. The current artists are good but MJ’s genius comes once in a century, and I don’t think I am going to see another like him in my lifetime

So Goodbye MJ, hope the next life is better for you than this one was.

This song is how I would want to remember Michael - young and full of energy ,his songs hopefully his only legacy which live forever.

Shake a leg today today ppl,

Anu

I am woman, hear me Roar

I think I had it!!! I am so disappointed with some people that I would love to scream!! Four months back I had a beautiful bouncing baby. I didn’t care what sex the baby was, just that she was healthy and had every one of her little toes and fingers in the right places. But as I progress more into the world, I just hear more about how quickly I should try for a second one. Why? “well for the boy of course!!”.



I thought gone was the time when getting a girl or boy mattered. Woman nowdays are strong individuals, not dependant on their families and living life to the fullest. I can almost expect the "must have a boy" sentiment from the older set, but it’s the younger lot which scare me. I have friends (Gosh I dread calling them that now) who say “Cho chweet” when they see lil V in the same sentence as “You wish she was a boy , don’t you”. To all of them I say this “IT DOES’NT MATTER”. When the baby looks at you with the complete trust, it’s your heart and soul which are deposited in its care. As a mother do I care if they wear pants or a frock- NOPE but do I care that they remain safe and healthy through life – a big resounding YES. People always asked me when I was pregnant would you like a boy or girl. There is no harm in wanting a son or daughter based on opinion, but after you deliver the child, its pathetic to lament!!. The child whose born is not purely defined by its gender, its defined by the love it receives. That love cannot be tampered by whether its going to like playing with barbies or with rangers.

Especially in days when we have ladies like Sonia Sotomayor being elected to US supreme court , its sad that Generation Y apes its parents for a child preference. I love dressing up my daughter in frills and lace, and if I had a boy unfortunately for him, I would have done the same :D!. One of my older aunts lamented when she heard I had a girl.. “You have to give her away in 25 years when she gets married”… well if I had a boy I would have given him away at 15, when he saw his first playboy :))! Seriously how many men do you know who live with their parents forever. I knowall my girl pals who support their parents emotionally or financially.. cant say the same of the guys.. Nope, Im not saying the guys are bad, just that their priorities change mid life with family. But girls seem to cling on to the old and new and form the thread. As a grown woman, somehow I feel that though I accepted the additional responsibilities , but never leave the initial ones behind. Its funnily the way of the world, woman have always been the binding force in any family. So all those Indian and Chinese couples who genetically try to get a male heir are missing something precious, and by their act alone they don’t deserve a little girl

Take a girl child away at a time, and then the world would be a cold place with each man frozen in his own island.

I just want the younger generation to wake up . It’s hard breaking the glass ceiling with 60 year olds standing in your way, it worse when you have 30 year olds during their job. The reason I write this post is that I never want “V” to feel ashamed for a tiny nano second that she is a girl. I want her to stand proud in her feminity and grace. She has so much color and joy to spread around and that shouldn’t be tampered with the darkness of archaic views of gender preference.



So this is what I need to say to all those mothers who think baby girls are secondary

“I feel sorry for you as you don’t know what a miracle a girl baby is
I feel sorry for you as you miss her spontaneous smile when your wondering if she should have been a boy
I feel sorry for you as you will never sit with her and dream about dancing ponies and flying rainbows
I feel sorry for you as you will not understand the joy of girl talk with the one who sees the world through new eyes
I feel sorry for you as you won’t see your best friend growing in front of your eyes
I feel sorry for you as you can’t seem to let go of your inhibitions so you can soar to new heights with her
I feel sorry for you as all said and done, your the one who let herself down”

Well.. after that rant.. a little smile may be in order
(Guys.. this is just for fun ,Promise :) )

WHY WOMEN ARE SUPERIOR

We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxi's stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever grabbing her ass.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

Keep Smiling ppl
Anu

Forgive thats fine but forget??

A colleague asked me yesterday “Suppose you meet a friend from 20 years ago, and they had hurt you by their behavior then. Would you bring it up or let it go?”

My first thought was to tell her to let it go, its been 20 years after all. But then I really got to thinking, It had been "20 years", and she was still hurting, shouldn’t she get it out of her system. We can easily accept an apology but the pain heals very slowly and sometimes never at all. I finally told my friend to bring it up and get it off her heart. If she voiced it loud, she would feel better I hoped. My sister said to me once “If I keep quiet it’s my headache, but if I talk it becomes the other persons headache”. Selfish maybe, but self preservation is the key here.

But even though I preached this to my colleague, I never practice it. I still have some unforgotten business with a couple of people. Notice I said forgotten and not forgiven. I know people use these words interchangeably. But think about it, its easy to accept an apology, logically work out why the person hurt you and forgive. But to forget is something all together different. For me memories are tinged with emotional content. And any relationship is a sum total of your memories of that person interspersed with your own feelings towards them. So if these memories take on a bitter taste it’s hard to move past that into a pleasant relationship. Its only when these bitter memories are replaced by sweeter and more pleasant ones does the relationship actually move forward. To actually get past that memory is crux of an issue. And to that end both parties have to be willing to trust each other with their emotions again.

There are few friends who I have had hard times with. But I prefer the ones who tell me what they think I am doing wrong immediately. That way the emotion that shadows that conversation is quickly put to rest. But if a person festers a feeling for a decade and then comes out it with all of a sudden, then my own perception of that person changes. This may seem contrary to the advice I gave my colleague, but the idea is this – the bitterness has to be totally replaced, and that can be done by working through the emotions of negativity.

Ironically though I am grappling with the same situation as my colleague is with a pal of mine – Should I come out and tell her that I cant get over our last disagreement or do I just learn that nothing she says is going to change what I think about her. I usually avoid people whom I feel negative about. “Out of sight is out of mind” and I stick to that principle with a vengeance. But what if out of sight cannot happen. I am falling into the same trap my colleague has. Grappling with emotions that aren’t good for her. The logical part of my brain seems to think I have not forgiven my friend. But I know I have, it’s just the memories of our unfortunate fight, keep tinting even the smallest meeting or interaction we have and I cringe everytime we speak.

My mom always told me to choose my battles and my friends wisely. She never told me what to do when the battle was with a friend. As I induce a smile in my voice every time I talk to her, I wonder am I being false or just a good friend? . I think in the end it can be worked out only if I trust that person not to hurt me again. I love this quote of Elizabeth Edwards regarding her cheating husband,which I think applies to every hurtful relationship

"Forgiveness is a gift that I have given him, but trust -thats something he has to earn himself"

Wow, after that I really need a smile :D

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."
The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

Keep Smilin ppl
Anu

Spewings of a worried mind

The last couple of months have been a roller coaster to say the least,. to list the events in chronology – deliver a kid, learn to change diapers/burp at 2am in the morning with eyes closed, have a non functioning gall bladder laproscopically removed, deal for a week with a nanny from hell and finally get back to the job. The job being the easiest in the whole cycle. The only way I got through was the support from friends and family. The offers for help were numerous and instantaneous. To all of them, I can only say thank you. No words can express the gratitude felt, when you see the world closing in around you, but you know you are protected by the ones who care.

So two and half months of being a mother, and funnily I have changed . Not only physically ( the 20 pounds still remain :(! ) but my attitude towards the world has evolved. Hearing of war and violence now seems to reverberate more than it did before. I mean the worst that could happen before is I could get hurt, but to think that your child will even have a shadow falling over them seems to scare the dickens out of me.

On a lighter note, my friends are rolling on the floor laughing on my renditions of carnatic classics. My lil one seems to like MSS songs and the Tamil/Telugu/Sanskrit on my lips seem to be a foreign language. Thank God, it will take another year, before V can close her ears by herself or ask me to shut up.

There were certain things which scared, worried and made me scratch my head through these months and I wanted to post individual posts, but this is summarized version.

The slayings of Kalathats happened in my neck of the woods. No sane man would kill children especially his own and also his 11 month old baby niece. I pray for Abha appu, his wife. When she wakes up ,has to register that she cant touch or hear or speak to her children anymore and the reason they aren’t around, is because their father went nuts and killed them all . I keep wondering if I have passed by Abha grocery shopping or smiled at her kids on the carts. Every family looks so normal but the stress and troubles of being alone in a foreign land can never be forgotten. Maybe if this was India, she could have asked a neighbor for help or walked out knowing her family was nearby. Being alone, with your passport taken away isolated Abha and Devan’s little act of aggressiveness slowly grew to the killing of 6 people. Domestic Violence is real and just because the person is an engineer in a great company doesn’t diminish the monster hiding underneath.

The passing of the Iranian law which makes Marital rape legal. How is this world civilized if men in the name of religion keep trampling on women’s rights? The protesters of the law were stoned and spit on by the men gathered. The laws also want woman to ask the man’s permission before they leave the house. I don’t get it! In a world of rapidly evolving technology and sciences, why should religion be used a weapon against women everywhere. Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if science and religion integrate to create a peaceful world, where everyone is equal.

The Octo mom is another sore point. For those souls who thankfully don’t get US media, this woman gave birth to octuplets . For those going cho chweet, a couple of facts. She’s single, lives with her mother, has 6 kids already ,2 of those kids are on disability and one is autistic and all her 14 kids have been conceived through fertility treatments. This woman now gets charity contributions pouring in for her kids welfare, an organization which pays $135,000 per month to nannies, paparazzi paying thousands for the kids picture and the icing on the cake, she has made enough money to buy a house for $500,000. So I’m really irritated with the Kaiser Permanente team (d0ctors) for letting her have the procedure and keep 8 eggs. It’s plain to see she’s after fame and money and using kids to get there is really sickening. In a country where people are loosing their jobs and surviving on food stamps, she is making a living out of selling her kids on news media.

Finally the soaps that are shown on Indian tamil channels etc. Every plot includes – Scheming mother in law, crying daughter in law /mother, lousy father, amazing father in law, husband and his second wife., The acting is lousy, the scheming is repetitive and the crying can fill up the deserts of Africa with water. So why are so many people addicted to these negative emotions. Why does it become personal when husband throws wife one out and brings in wife two. Don’t we have enough on our plates with recession and ignorant politicians .

So those were my my rantings for the last month, I am trying to be more regular with my posts and comments, so hopefully this is a new beginning.

The following are some quotes from the late George Carlin,which made me smile and think , hope you all do the same

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.


If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Keep Smiling ppl
Anu

The new arrival

I opened my window on Feb 1st and a Stork just flew in with a baby girl and I had to accept her, as she had my name on her diaper (that’s the version I gave my niece).

But to all those out there who are above the age of 5, K and I are proud parents of a lil baby Girl “V” , born long and perfect two weeks ago. Being 9 months pregnant and later the whole new mom duties( diaper and feeding again and again and again !!:) ) , held me off blogging for sometime. So I’m slowly stealing time to write this post and hopefully will get time later to read the innumerable posts I missed from my blog pals. So bear with me, I will be around though not as frequent as before and if you see a lot of spelling mistakes, I dare you to do better with 2 hours of sleep a day : )!

Some quotes from Erma Bombeck on her kids, I used to find it funny.. but now I am starting to get worried :D!!

• I interviewed sitters for six months. It's depressing when you realize no one wants to be paid for what you’ve been doing for years for nothing.
• I was against coed dorms from the beginning. Not because it was a sensuous supermarket, but because I felt if anyone ever saw my son’s bedroom in its natural state, I’d never get the kid married off and now my worst fears have been realized.
• Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
• I do a lot of thinking about how I am going to merchandise my kids. Frankly, in clear conscience, I don’t see how I can let them go into marriage without slapping a sticker on their foreheads that reads: “This Person May Be Injurious to Your Mental Health.”
• I firmly believe that kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your binding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble.
• I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he is recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
• I found a letter to my sister the other day that I had forgotten to mail. It just needed a little updating to send. After “The baby is…..” I crossed out “toilet trained” and wrote in “graduating from high school this month.”
• My son never fails to amaze me. At age twenty-one, he has come up with a new way to break his neck. It's called a skateboard.

Keep Smilin ppl
Anu

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Christmas is one of my favorite days of the year. It brings back memories of family, singing and lots and lots of food. Though part of a Hindu family, I was lucky enough to have aunts and uncles ,who had married into other religions . This gave me the chance not only to experience the joys of their festivals , but also understand and expand my views on god and beliefs. Christmas for me is always in rooted in Bangalore. We used to camp out there with my uncle and grandma for the holidays. The cold winter nights punctuated with laughter, singing and a whole lot of fruit cake, made the environment cozier than Yule log fireplace.

The festivities started with the humongous Christmas tree, my uncle put up. I always used to wish I could grow up and look like the angel on top of the tree. Not to mention the blond hair, I still envy the expression of happiness on her face. All of us had a task assigned, either be it decorating the tree, helping out with the huge Christmas lunch the next day or as simple a joining the group who were singing carol. Though I am musically challenged like my mom, just singing as a group was enough to get the spirits up. The best part of it was my grandmom, who till she passed away when she was 94 was the strongest voice of us all. She could sing in different languages and knew the origin of each song. As she knitted, and my cousins strummed the guitar, the family from every corner of the room would lend their voices to silent night, Rudolf , white Christmas and the finale with Jingle bells. Christmas morning was the best time with gifts being unwrapped and tried out. Each of us got a present, with a wink from my uncle, who was sure Santa was happy with us that year, but next year we better watch out. Of course as my cousins dressed in their Christmas best, went to church, we were left to munch on the cakes and kalkals.We were pretty much stuffed when they returned. But we had to make room for the Christmas lunch. By the end of that day it was a miracle if anyone could walk or even stand without tipping over. But on the other hand, we also learnt the gift of sharing . I call it a gift because from a young age, to understand the power of giving and sharing, made me learn a core lesson, that helped me across other situations.

As the years drew on, and we couldn’t spend every Christmas with my relatives, my mom and I used to wait till 11PM on Christmas eve, to listen to the Carols on radio FM. The announcer used to prattle off the songs for the next hour, with as much enthusiasm as a person who is waiting for the end of a long work day. But as we sang our hearts out to the carols, messed up the words and finally the tune , nothing mattered more than the joy those words gave us. The almost hushed tone of silent nights to the bright gaiety of Felice Navidad seemed to make it seem almost like we were with family. Christmas day was always filled with sunshine in Chennai and I truly wished for a White Christmas.

But after coming to the states and seeing the Christmas celebration in full flow, I must say that it made me terribly homesick. I used to sob every time “I’ll be home for Christmas came on the radio” ,considering the number of times it gets played here, it used to be once every 5 minutes. But again as the years pass, for me so far away from home, it those memories of the Christmas past, that makes it all warm inside for me. So as I take in this year with the terrible Mumbai attacks and the global recession , I take this occasion to thank every person in my life. Their unconscious sharing of their happiness and life, makes each day much better to live in. I also would like to thank each one of you who read this blog too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas with me. I hope that next year is bigger and brighter for all of us in every aspect of our life .

So before I get too sentimental and start humming “I’ll be home” again, I just wanted to say

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year”

I would also specifically like to thank Barath for the The Freedom and independent award.. you made my day and my week :D!.

As usual, this goes out to all my blogger pals out there.

For the smile

REINDEER
According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers 'till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl.
We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and NOT GET LOST.

IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring
decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of this season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels, the Internet, and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer--who will retrain at the Harvard Business
School--is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.

Keep Smiling ppl and Remember to light a lamp or candle for Peace
Anu